Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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