i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
