dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
40s are totally the cure
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
