I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
