Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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