dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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