Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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