i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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