ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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