...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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