halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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