the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
