we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
