This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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