The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
