I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
