I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
