1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we're so committed to being not committed
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