If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
