I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
