I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude i'm inner monologue high
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
