Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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