dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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