another moral hangover. fuck.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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