So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
