just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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