If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
