my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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