Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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