i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
