I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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