I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
