Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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