remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
