Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
