Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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