"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
