im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
