I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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