Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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