I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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