Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
