Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
