yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
