I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
