Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
