Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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