My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
