Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
