this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
