I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
