You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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