i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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