sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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