So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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