Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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