Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
