Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
