im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
