Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
