I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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