; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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