you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
