I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
