You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
