I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
