Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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