she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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