I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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