honey bunches of taint.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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