just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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