i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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