You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
