Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
